Holy Moly!

http://thegleeprojectcasting.com/Auditions/View/3404989

I never thought I would do something like this.... EVER!

Marriage

 Andy and I just celebrated our 2-year wedding anniversary this past weekend. We went out for a lovely dinner and stayed Downtown Minneapolis in, what happened to be, the same hotel we stayed at for our first anniversary. It was so good to spend that quality time together and to reflect on the past 2 years.

 As we were talking about our roller-coaster of a journey that the past 2 years has taken us on, I began to think about how drastically my life has been effected and changed by being married to Andy.

 Over the past 2 years, Andy and I have moved 4 times, attended 2 different churches, have had between 2-5 different jobs, gotten a puppy, made friends, left friends, driven countless hours together in the car, and purchased, and then sold, a motorcycle & our second vehicle.

 HOLY CATS!

 Although it has been a very unpredictable, and often stressful, couple of years, I have come to appreciate every moment of it. I have grown and learned A LOT and wouldn't change a thing about our lives today. I have a deep respect for my husband, and I have come to appreciate him more and more for his determination and dedication to what he feels God's calling on his life is. I have learned that by being willing to follow Andy and honor him in whatever decision is made for the direction of our lives, I am honoring God.

 This has not been easy for me, being that I like to be in control, and feeling like I have lost control of the direction of my life has been very difficult. But in this time that I am being pushed and pulled and stretched, I have come to rely more on God to be in control. I am slowly relinquishing my desire to take the wheel, and I am letting someone else drive.

 I am looking forward to our next step with excitement, faith in my husband, and trust in God.

Prayers for the Kausch Family

 I don't know how many of you have heard the news, but Andy's grandpa, his mother's father passed away on Saturday, June 4th due to heart failure. If you could keep Andy, and his family in your prayers this week as they deal with this time of loss and sadness. Donald Kausch was 80 years old and was loved by all who knew him. He made anyone and everyone feel like part of the family. He will be dearly missed. Please think of his wife Shirley and keep her in your prayers as well.

Rest in peace Papa Kausch. We love you.

Double Standards

 Let me just say that if there is one thing that I hate, it's a double standard. That is all.

Camp Cook

 This week began my first of 3 weeks as a cook for Youth Front Camp South. It is me and 1 other person for breakfasts, and we have one more helper for lunches and dinners. My mornings begin between 6:00 & 6:30am and I am usually busy from then until after lunch at around 2:00pm. I then get about a 2 hour break before preparation for dinner begins at around 4:00 or 4:30pm. I am in the kitchen from then until around 7:00pm depending on how much prep work can be done for breakfast the night before.

 Needless to say, I am pretty wiped out by the end of the day. I find myself either taking long naps during my afternoon breaks, or going to bed at about 9:00pm. But I am loving every minute of it. I love preparing food for people that I love. All the staff here are great and I feel so welcomed into their little family. This has been a great start to week 1 and I have a feeling that I am going to enjoy being here for the next 2 & 1/2 weeks.

 Do what you love, love what you do.

 Peace & Love <3

The Brownes are on the Move!

 As you all know, Andy and I are preparing to make a move out East to Princeton, New Jersey where Andy will be completing his M.Div.

 As we travel across half of the country on our trek out East, we have decided, with the help of Adam Richmond and Man vs. Food, to stop at a few 'Hole-in-the-Wall' restaurants along the way.

 Our trip will include stops in St. Louis, MO, Indianapolis, IN, Cleveland, OH, and Pittsburgh, PA. We plan on stopping at one or two places in each city. I will be blogging about our experiences at each place, and we plan on taking on a couple of the eating challenges that were featured on Man vs. Food.

 Here is a list of the places that we plan on stopping at:

-St. Louis: Iron Barley to try their Oak Roasted Pork Loin.

-Indianapolis: Bub's Burgers & Ice Cream to attempt the Big Ugly Burger Challenge.

-Cleveland: It's currently a toss-up between Steve's Gyros at the West Side Market, or Hot Sauce Williams for their famous 'Polish Boy'.

-Pittsburgh: DeLuca's for their wide variety of over-sized breakfast creations.

 We begin this journey on July first, and plan on taking about 3-5 days to complete our Epic Edible Exodus. Stay tuned because the Brownes are, once again, on the move!

Busy

 Wow! Life has gotten so far ahead of me I can't keep up! I now have 2 jobs, one still at Brio Tuscan Grille, and the other at the Gap. Both are on the Plaza, which is nice when I have to work both jobs on the same day. I have just become so overwhelmed with all the responsibilities life has presented me with lately. New puppy, new job, old job, and the same old house-hold chores that leer at me every day.

 It is keeping me motivated to get things done right away though, having so little time to do things. I just hope that I can keep my head above water through out the next few months until we move to NJ. Prayers would be appreciated! Peace & Love!

Love Wins

Rob Bell has written a new book entitled, 'Love Wins'. I plan to begin reading it over the weekend. It has caused quite a bit of controversy in the world of Christianity. I have a lot that I want to say about the things that have been said about Bell because of writing this book. But before I speak on the issue, I want to be able to say that I have read the book. Just wanted to notify all of you that another blog post is coming soon, there is just too much to say about it right now.

Wait for the Lord

 'Wait for the Lord, let our hearts, wait for the Lord, take courage, wait for the Lord, I say be strong, wait for the Lord." These words could not be more prevalent in my soul right now. God has really been teaching me to have patience over the past year. I know it's because of my constant struggle with being patient and having to wait for the things that I want.

 The instant-gratification attitude in our present culture doesn't help things. We grow up thinking that we deserve to have the things we want, when we want them. I think God has other plans. There is so much to learn in a time of waiting. If we are constantly living for the future, we miss out on the present and all of the beauty that this moment has to offer.

 I need to wait for the Lord and His timing, because His timing is best. And by waiting for the Lord to bring the next step in life, I can focus more on right now, and take in the beauty of the present moment.

I'm Back!

 Hey all. Um apparently my email account got hacked yesterday and my blog was temporarily removed. Sorry if any of you got a spam email from my email, I didn't send it. :) But I'm happy to announce that I'm back and my email account and blog are back up and running. Sorry for the scare, I was freaking out thinking that I had lost my blog completely and would have to start over and create a new one! *whew* Thank God it's all been fixed! Hackers are stupid.... just a side note. Peace & Love.

Tucker

 Andy and I made a very spontaneous decision over the weekend. It was something that we have always talked about, but have never really gotten to the point of doing. We got a puppy. He is an 8-week-old Golden Retriever named Tucker, and boy is he a handful!

 The early morning potty breaks outside, cleaning up the little puppy puddles that end up on the floor if we don't catch it in time, and the added responsibility to care for a new member of our young family. We are hoping that this will bring Andy and I closer together as we care for Tucker as a team, and that it will give us some good practice for when we start having children.

 Tucker is a playful, furry little bundle of joy and we are so glad to welcome him into our family. =)

Peacefully Waiting

 The big news about Andy's acceptance to Princeton, great, awesome news, leaves us now, yet again, in a place of waiting. Waiting for the next step. Unable to take it yet, just waiting. We won't be able to move out to New Jersey until Andy starts classes which may be in July, or it may be in August, that we don't know yet. But now for the next few months we find ourselves in a spot again where we're just killing time until we can move forward.

 As some of you may know I have a hard time being patient. I get anxious when I know there is something that I have to do, and I can't just do it and get it done. I don't like waiting.

 So during these next few months I am praying for God to give me peace while we wait. To calm my anxiety and give me the ability to slow my mind as is races towards worry. I also ask for prayer from all of you, our friends and family, for peace and patience for myself and for Andy. We appreciate your love and support during this new chapter of our lives.

A Big Move

 Andy has recently been accepted to Princeton Theological Seminary and starts his Masters work there in July with a summer language class. I am so proud of him for this outstanding accomplishment. This is something that he has been working towards for years, and it is so cool to see it come to be.

 Along with all of the excitement, comes a lot of hard work. This will be our second move across multiple states within a year. It will be a lot of work, and will not be easy. We have a lot to do before we'll be ready to make another move, and it is going to be a stressful time over the next few months.

 We ask for prayer and support from all our friends and family as we prepare to make this next big move. And we thank all of you for the support you have already shown us as we have come to this decision. We are very excited to be opening up another new chapter in our lives, and are looking forward to seeing what God has for us at Princeton.

Reading Through Scripture Together

 Andy and I have decided to read through the bible from now until we make the move out to Princeton. Oh by the way, Andy got accepted to Princeton so we are moving out to New Jersey in the fall. So we have decided to read through the entire bible, a few chapters each day, from now until August or September.

 I have always wanted to read through the bible, but have never really known how. It's easier for me to process things if they are read out loud and talked about because I am an audible learner. So it's easier for me to understand things when I hear them spoken. So Andy and I take turns reading each chapter out loud to each other, then we talk about what we read.

 I am excited to begin this journey through God's word with my husband. I feel like he has such a profound understanding of scripture and a great ability to interpret it, which will be so helpful for me to get to know the bible a little better. This will also be a great opportunity for Andy and I to spend a little quality time with each other and with God every day, which I think is so important to get into a rhythm of doing.

The Blessing of Community

 This weekend we had our good friends from Minnesota staying with us. It is always good to spend time with the people you love. Having Jen and Brandon come down here to visit has meant so much to Andy and me. Their friendship cannot and will not ever be replaced.

 I think it is important to have people that you can spend time with in such close proximity. As some of you may know, Andy and I live in pretty tight quarters, not too tight, but smaller than we're used to. We have a 'Jack & Jill' bathroom that is shared between our 2 bedrooms, so it kind of forces us all to be extra aware of how much time we're spending in the bathroom. This is something Andy and I usually don't have to think about, but it is kinda fun being forced to be considerate of others with Jen and Brandon here this weekend. I think it shows the importance of community in that it teaches us to think of others, and focus less on ourselves.

 It has been so great to have people to participate in conversation with us, to give insight, and to be supportive of us and each other. It is so great to have this blessing of community. It makes me think about how important it is to have people in our lives that we are comfortable with and who love us as much as we love them.

 So far every morning, someone has made breakfast for everyone. Brandon makes a killer breakfast sandwich by the way. McDonalds better look out! It has been so much fun to share our lives with each other and  live in constant community for the last 4 days. We are so blessed to have such good friends and to be able to live comfortably in community with them. I am so thankful. Love you Knudsvigs! Our lives would not be the same with out you!

Difficult Decisions

Life can be difficult sometimes. We have to make decisions that might hurt other people, or may cause us to make sacrifices that are hard to make. I have a hard time with decision making. I want everyone to be happy. I feel the need to please other people at any cost to myself. This is not always good. In fact, this habit of mine to make decisions based on what I think other people want me to do or say, has really come back to bite me.

I need to learn how to be honest with people about how I feel right away, otherwise I make a decision that I may not be okay with because I think it's what the other person wants, which then causes me to harbor resentment for not getting what I want. This is my own fault. I need to work on saying how I really feel, even though I might feel like I would be letting someone down or not giving them what they want.

Andy and I have been trying to decide where we are going to end up over the next 3-6 years and what it will mean for Andy to continue with school and working towards his Ph.D. We have come to find more and more that the amount of stability and security that goes along with pursuing a Ph.D. is very slim. There is no guarantee that we will stay in the same place for more than a few years, no way to know for sure if Andy will be able to get a job anywhere near family and friends in the Mid-West, and no way to know how long we will live in the same place once he does get a job.

 I guess I didn't really know how much moving around and uncertainty went along with the decision to get a Ph.D. I guess I didn't really know how important it is to me to have stability and security. I have been trying to figure out what to do in this situation. Do I sacrifice my desires to have stability, be close to family, buy a house, start having children, stay at a job for more than a year, and not feel like I'm going to lose it all and have to start over again in 3-5 years to follow my husband and support him? Or do I put the decision on him to give up what he has been working towards for the past few years and look for something else to do with his life that would provide me with the security and stability that I am looking for?

 I am completely torn. I have no idea what to do. This whole time I have been thinking that I would be okay to move somewhere farther away from family so Andy could get his Masters of Divinity, with the idea that we would move back to the Mid-West when he was done in 2-3 years. But with the recent decision for Andy to continue on and get his Ph.D. adding another 3-4 years to his education, and pursuing a vocation that does not allow much security and would require the willingness to move wherever there is a job available, whenever there is a job available, I find myself less comfortable and almost unwilling to submit to a life style that forces me to continuously live in a state of transition. My instinct is to give up what I want for him to have what he wants, but then I don't want to resent him for making a decision that I told him I was okay with... When I don't know if I am.

So the question is, what decision do I make? Do I give up the things that are important to me for the sake of my husband, or do I ask my husband to give up what is important to him for my sake? All I can think to do right now is ask God for clarity and peace. I need His guidance more than ever. Please God give me the wisdom to discern what is right, and keep in mind those things most important to the ones I love, and those most important to me. 

The Choice to be Happy

 We all have this idea that other things will make us happy. Money, relationships, kids, the list goes on. But the truth is, other things cannot make us happy, with out us making the choice to be happy.

 We have the choice every day when we wake up if we're going to have a good day, or a bad day. If we are going to be happy, we have to consciously decide that we will not let things get to us. We will not let the little things steal our joy. Each day is a gift, we should not take anything for granted. We should be thankful even for the bad days, because by the grace of God there is a new day coming, where we will have the opportunity to choose joy.

 I need to be better about making the choice to be happy every day, because tomorrow is not a guarantee. I want my life to be joyful. So with God's help I am making the choice today and every day to try and be happy in every situation.

Don't Put Off Until Tomorrow..

 The saying goes: "Don't put off until tomorrow, what you can do today." So much easier said that done. I think the more we can discipline ourselves to live by this quote, the easier, or at least less stressful, our lives would be. It's so much easier to say to yourself that you'll get around to doing the dishes later, or that the laundry can wait until tomorrow, but the reality is that it usually ends up being more stressful the longer you put it off.

 I need to be better about doing things as soon as I have the time or as soon as they need to be done. I need to be better about not procrastinating and just doing things in a timely fashion. This is not only a good way to stay organized, but if I can discipline myself to make a habit of it now, it will be easier for me to continue to keep up/stay ahead once children come into the picture. Training myself to be habitually responsible now, so that it comes naturally when I need it most in the future. Not saying that people should be reading into anything, *cough, notpregnant, cough* but just saying that it will make things easier once I have children some day if I know how to stay ahead of the game now.

 So here's to being responsible, staying ahead, and not putting off until tomorrow, what can be done today. Now I'm off to sort the laundry.. :)

Reconciliation

 How good it feels when we have resolve our differences with another human being. When a relationship that was once broken, or close to it, has been mended. Maybe not completely healed, but the effort has been made to repair it. It is not always easy to reconcile with others. I takes a certain level of vulnerability and willingness to be exposed and to put ourselves out there, which can be very difficult.
 I have a personality that needs reconciliation, that needs harmony, that needs to know that people are getting along. This has been my own personal struggle to be okay with discord. To let it go when people are not in agreement. To not let myself become consumed with making things right. But in some cases, it is good to push people towards reconciliation, because other people with personalities unlike mine, would rather leave relationships broken, then become vulnerable.
 I think there is a balance. I think there are people like me who push people to reconcile, and people who are okay with some conflict because letting the little things go is important sometimes. That is why I am so thankful that I have a husband like Andy. He is the balance to my need to harmonize every discord. But I push him to reconcile even if it means being vulnerable.
 Reconciliation is what Christ calls us to. And it feels good to do what Christ calls us to do, even though it's hard sometimes.

Acceptance

 I think that sometimes we as Christians get caught up in the 'rules' of being a Christian, instead of focusing on what we are called to do, love others unconditionally. We are called to accept people for who they are and love them despite the things they do or have done that might not line up with our beliefs. Christ's life on earth was all about loving those who may not have followed all the 'rules'. He ate and drank with the tax collectors and prostitutes. He showed love and acceptance to everyone. We as His followers are called to do the same. I am doing my best not to judge, and to be loving and accepting of others no matter where they are in life. Because I need love and acceptance just as much as anyone else.

Deny Me and I will Deny You

 Something that hits hard with me every time I see it are these posts on Facebook that keep showing up. They start out with something really cool about God and then typically end with something like "Afraid to re-post this as your status?" or "Are you willing to show your love for God?" and "Jesus said that if you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny you in front of the Father" followed by "If you love God/Jesus, post this as your status." Argh! This just ruins the whole point! It's not a bragging contest, or a competition on who's not afraid to show they are a Christian and if you don't re-post you must not be a believer. It's about living out our love for Christ and our faith in Him so that we don't have to post it as our Facebook status for people to know. Frankly, it's sad that Christians are threatening other Christians and challenging people's faith with a silly ultimatum from scripture taken completely out of context. Scripture should not be used as a weapon or a threat, it should be used as a tool to show Christ's love towards others. So no, I won't re-post it as my status, you will know I am a Christian by the way I love others and treat them as Christ would.

Patience Pays Off

 So this time of year is VERY slow at Brio. The Holidays are over and people are realizing how much money they spent over the months of November and December, made New Years resolutions to eat healthier, which typically doesn't include Italian food, and it's cold and snowy so no one wants to come to an out-door shopping center.  This means business is not the greatest and neither are the tips.

 Our management has been telling all the servers that they are going to start trimming down staff because we don't have the need for everyone that was hired for the holidays now that things are slowing down. So the bar has been set, the standards are higher, and the competition is on. The bottom line, the best keep their jobs, and the people who don't take it seriously get cut. Being on time for every shift, showing up for every shift, being clean and neat in appearance for each shift, pre-setting tables, pre-bussing tables, the list goes on. All these things are expected to be done, and done well.

 This morning the managers had a meeting to determine where they needed to make cuts. I was told that I made the 'Good List' and that I was doing a great job and to keep up the good work. This was a huge relief for me and very encouraging to hear. Even though the shifts are slow, there will be less servers now which means we will each get more tables, and more shifts through out the week.

 So even though the holidays were tough, it was hard and I was working long hours and almost got to the point of wanting to quit a number of times, it feels good to know that I'm doing a good job and that sticking it out and being patient has paid, and will continue to pay off. I'm glad I had Andy's support to keep me going through the difficult days. I'm blessed to have him.

Homesick

 I've been feeling homesick for Minnesota over the past few weeks. It's been hard to get adjusted to being so far away from family and friends. Yes, we've made friends here in KC, but it's hard not having the option of getting in the car and driving an hour to spend a weekend at home with family.

 Since Andy and I have been talking about our next step in life and knowing that we're going to be moving again this summer, I think it's been increasing my longing to be close to home. Just knowing that we most likely are going to be somewhere farther away from Minnesota than we already are, is making it difficult for me to be excited. I know that we eventually plan to move back to Minnesota, but knowing that that is at least 3-5 years away isn't easy.

 I'm trying to be mindful of my attitude and stay positive. I know that this is important to Andy and our future together for him to get his education and start his career. And I am more than willing to follow him anywhere, it's just hard sometimes to miss home. I just need to be patient and keep in mind that this transitional time is not going to last forever.

Time Spent, Not Money

 Andy and I have been trying very hard to be intentional about saving money over the past few months. We're clipping coupons, shopping sale items, and changing from brand names to generics. Yesterday I had a very hard time with having to buy a cheap brand of hairspray instead of the solon quality that I usually like to buy. This also means that we don't go out to eat as often as we used to, we don't just go out and do things that cost money like bowling or a movie, we try to find things to do where we can spend time together, with out spending money. It is not easy, and it is not fun to have to let go of things that we want to do or buy.

  It is so much easier to spend $15 on a meal here, or $23 on bowling and drinks there, than it is to look for something to do that doesn't cost anything. We live close to the Plaza which helps because we can walk down and just window shop, but that usually lends itself to temptation to buy. We try to walk places when we can because it's not 3 degrees outside here like it is in MN every winter, it's averaging about 40 degrees here. So that saves money on gas, and it gives us more time together for conversation when we walk.

So today we have decided to walk about a mile over to the Nelson Art Museum and take a look around. We think it's free on Fridays, we'll have to see when we get there. Otherwise there is another art gallery that has been set up in a shop on the Plaza that we could take a look through.

 Here's to a fun-filled free day together, and spending time, not money.

Appreciating Silence

 I'm sure we've all heard the term 'awkward silence' before. Usually used when there is an underlying pressure to carry on conversation and make small talk with someone, and there is nothing to talk about. There is that feeling of thinking that the other person is waiting for you to say something and neither person can think of anything to say.

 I don't like being expected to make small talk. I would much rather stand with someone in silence then feel pressured to say something. I think that we should eliminate the idea of 'awkward silences'. I don't see why there is anything wrong with just being quiet. Why do we always have to being saying something? Why can't we just be comfortable around people in silence?

 The other day at work one of my co-workers was standing next to me for a few moments and neither of us said anything. Then he looked at me and said 'Oh I'm sorry, are you expecting me to make small talk with you while we're standing here or is it cool if we just don't have to say anything?' I just had to laugh and say 'Please don't feel obligated to make small talk with me, if you have something to say, I'd love to hear it, if not, that's fine too.' I just thought it was funny that he brought it out into the open that he knew there was some sort of social expectation that we all have to pretend that we're interested in making small talk with people when really, not many people want to.

 I think we should all be able to appreciate silence with others and not always feel the obligation to fill the 'awkward silences' with meaningless babble. We should be okay just being around people and taking in life together. Here's to silence... with out the awkward. Cheers!

Satisfaction in Simplicity

 I have been thinking a lot lately about what my life would look like if I were to simplify it. There are so many distractions for our generation to get caught up with. It is so difficult to finish a homework assignment, read a book, paint, or play music with out taking a 'break' to plug in. With Twitter, Facebook, and Blogger causing a constant distraction and sucking up so much of our time, it's hard to find satisfaction in simplicity, to be content with out electronics.

 My husband brought up a good point the other day. I had been feeling down because with working as much as I am, I haven't been able to spend very much time doing the things that I like to do, like paint or learn to play the guitar, or even cook. Andy called me out by saying that maybe if I didn't park my butt on the couch in front of my computer screen every time I had a spare minute, I would be able to do those things. He was right, and it irritated me because I knew that I should be spending more time painting and playing music, and less time updating my Facebook status or looking at pictures of my friends online. Not to say that these are bad things, but I need to be better about spending my free time doing the things I love and save the social networking for later.

 So I am making another New Year's Resolution. I am going to spend less time Tweeting and more time painting. Spend less time on Facebook and more time learning to play guitar. Before I spend time in front of my computer screen, I will spend a little time in front of a canvas.

 I plan to continue to blog about my New Year's Resolutions at least once a week. I am currently trying to get in contact with someone at my church that would be able to let me know of any families in the community who could use a meal this month, and I am planning on spending a couple hours painting tomorrow, my first day off since Wednesday, and I need to go to a music store and buy new strings for my guitar.

 I hope that all of you readers can help keep me accountable for these resolutions. I really want to stay faithful to them this year, and hopefully be able to continue them in the years to come. Love&Peace.